A few weeks ago I was working from a coffee shop, and as my Attention Deficit Disordered riddled mind wandered (as it frequently does when I have a deadline to meet), I couldn’t help but latch on to the conversation between two women sitting at a nearby table.
So as I was being Creeper McCreeper and eavesdropping, I listened to the two discuss the elevated challenges women face in their friendships as they reach their late 20’s, and beyond. One of the women lamented the numerous friendships she felt she lost, or simply let go by the wayside, since her college years. She wistfully recounted her younger days, when her mental “besties” list was long, and ever growing. Today, she said, she could really only count her true friends on one hand… maybe two if she stretched. She just didn’t have much in common anymore with those girls she spent the wild nights with back in college, the championship lacrosse team that celebrated joyfully together, the girls she stayed up late talking about boys with in high school – even the ones that dried her tears and stitched together the hole in her heart after the break-up with her first love. Of course she was still close with one or two of those girls, but it…just…wasn’t…the…same.
I wanted desperately to jump in at this point, but I had already invaded this personal conversation enough, at least mentally. So I’ll share with you what I so badly wished to tell these women.
That handful or two of friends you still count? Cherish them. Whether they have been your friend for 20 years, or 5, these are your soul mates. Not in the romantic sense, of course, but in the space that despite the evolution of your lives, locations, interests, and goals— your hearts still connect. And perhaps even more poignant, despite all of your faults and misgivings that usually accompany this same progression, they still love you… and you love them.
Previously, when I would recollect who I was in my formative years, my initial reaction was to squirm with embarrassment, which I don’t think is entirely uncommon amongst most folks. More often now though, as I’ve practiced a bit of self-acceptance, it’s simply just harder to identify with myself at that age. Sure, my interests were totally different back then- whose aren’t? But who was I? What did I stand for? I think the obvious answer is that I really didn’t know who I was at that stage in the game of life. And frankly, no one else really does either. And, that’s perfectly fine. It’s called “growing up”.
The beauty in friendships that survive our paths to self-discovery is that the ligature that connects us is grounded truly in love. No longer, as busy working women and moms, do we have the spare time to leisurely coalesce with people that don’t support our dreams, ambitions, struggles, and failures. Pardon the cliché, but time is of the essence. One of the greatest pleasures I’ve experienced as an adult has been the opportunity to witness my close friends uncover their own passions. Watching them create beautiful businesses, families, or even just cultivating a new avocation, has brought so much joy to my life. I can only assume from the unconditional support they have extended towards me; they would echo the same sentiments. I am so thankful for this small group of women in my life. The there is no numerical value you can attach to the friends that encourage you to challenge your fears, to chase great things, and that always whisper “you got this” when everyone else remains quiet.
THESE are your friends. And they will be always. If they aren’t, and there may be some along the way, remember them fondly as a missed connection and wish them well. But cherish with all your might the ones still standing.
blond beet nirvana
Tina is a Monarq guest blogger and writes at Blonde Beet Nirvana where she inspires other to live life in color! Stay tuned for more of her beautiful perspective!
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Published on October 14, 2015 in Friendship by Monarq
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Tags for this post: besties, bff, female friendship, friends, squad, women